I fumble in the shadows of the broken wall. The thick dust in the air did not help matters either. A sharp pain sears through my left leg and I realize that I am bleeding badly.
People were yelling, sirens were blaring. But there’s a constant drone in my ears that blanketed everything. The explosion seems to have almost deafened me.
I notice a smartphone on the floor; it’s screen is slightly shattered but when I unlock it, it comes to life as if nothing had happened. It opens up to an e-mail client. I suddenly remember the owner of this phone. It was that junior kid Jeremy, who sat on the table next to mine, sipping coffee.
He seemed to be in the middle of composing an email –
Hi Mom,
You must be wondering why I’m writing to you instead of just calling on the phone. I’m ashamed, mom, of everything that I didn’t do for you. I know I’m all you got, after dad died, but I never cared enough. I didn’t even visit you during Christmas.
Truth is, my grades aren’t so good and I have no hope of getting into a good college. I’m writing to tell you that I’m quitting this. But I’ll be fine, John found a marketing job for me in Delhi. I’m gonna make some money and will come home and take care of you. I’m really sor
I look around and spot the lifeless form of Jeremy. The coffee cup is still in his hand, but his head was crushed under the weight of the wall.
My mind didn’t think twice. I finish that last word for him and hit the ‘Send’ button.
Today’s Prompt: You stumble upon a random letter on the path.You read it. It affects you deeply, and you wish it could be returned to the person to which it’s addressed. Write a story about this encounter.
Today’s twist: Approach this post in as few words as possible.
Good story. Riveting!
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Thanks for your comment! 🙂
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🙂
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That was really fabulous. It gave me chills. What a great post.
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What a great story. A nice twist to a letter on the ground – very modern of you!
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Thanks!! 🙂 It was a letter on the ground until I started writing this! And then I thought, it’s pretty unrealistic for someone to care for a piece of paper at an explosion. So a digital letter it is 🙂
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To be fair. It’s pretty unrealistic to find a letter on the ground anywhere these days – unless it’s a bill!
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Lol! Right you are! 😀
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Wow, excellent! I loved this (except for the sadness of it).
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Thanks!! 🙂 I did wonder if it was too morbid, but it had to be done I suppose.
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It was good!
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This was chilling and had me feeling like it could happen to anyone anywhere. You said this was your first attempt at fiction for this course? I thought it was really well done.
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Thanks TK! It really could, I suppose.
And no, I’ve written 4-5 short stories before. What I meant was this was my first fiction *in* this course. 🙂
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Wow. Definitely a take I would not have thought of, but powerful.
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I’m glad 🙂
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Very good piece; very moving!
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Whoa, this piece was hauntingly beautiful. Looking at that prompt I now realize that I didn’t follow it completely so I’m going to have to edit it. Love how you digitalised it! Very moving. Keep up the good work!
– Ainsworth 🙂
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Your words always fill me with positivity, Ainsworth! And I thought your piece was perfect, don’t think I’m capable of such wonderful brevity! If your concern was about the contents of the letter, I was intrigued too but probably somethings are better left to imagination 🙂
Cheers!
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Oh dammit, I shouldn’t have changed it then. Haha, whoops. Oh and you are capable of wonderful brevity! I mean, your piece was just proof of that. I’m so sad that there’s no challenge today! 😦
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I’m sad too, it’s strange that they don’t have it on weekends, the days I actually have time to write!! :O
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I know! I mean I actually get very excited when there’s a challenge. I mean, I love taking one look at it and then going ‘Nup, impossible’ and then somehow manage to pull it off. I honestly can’t wait for Monday! I mean MONDAY! Oh god, haha 🙂
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That was sick, man! Very smoothly handled. Does this have personal significance?
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Thanks! And no, it’s completely made up 🙂
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That was seriously good work man. Awesome. And I like how you’ve modernised it.
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Thanks man! Means a lot to me 🙂
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Dude!! This was by far the best response to the prompt I’ve seen! =) It really touches you, you know. And gets you wondering… Really Awesome!! 😀
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😀 That’s super nice of you to say, bro! I thought yours was very thought provoking too!
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I’m… speechless right now. My God, Uday this is a masterpiece. How did you come up with this? I’m LITERALLY giving you a standing ovation right now.
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Hey AB! Thanks a lot, that is the best comment yet 🙂 Feels good to get such positive feedback, really. I surprised myself this time around 🙂
But to be honest, it wasn’t easy. I took around one hour to write this. Probably because this was a completely alien story line to me. Anyway, I’m just happy with the way this turned out 🙂 15 more to go!!!
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I felt really emotional after reading your post because the deathtoll of children in schools is increasing ever so much 😥 Just look at that tragic massacre in Pakistan APS and that recent event in Kenya Garissa University 😥 I suggest you send this post to some publisher in a magazine or something, because this is a masterpiece.
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Oh I dunno about that! 🙂
But you are right, I didn’t realize it when I was writing but this could happen to anyone anywhere I suppose. 😦 It’s sad state of things, I was devastated when I heard about the school massacre in Pakistan. 😥
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That event still haunts us to this day.. 😥 I know you don’t believe in Heaven or Hell but I damn sure pray that the bastards who kill children (around the world) burn in the lowest darkest pits of Hell
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Well written, a very interesting narrative with a surprise ending. Very thoughtful too, you could really turn Tis into quite a lengthy mystery. I certainly enjoyed the read.
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Many thanks! I guess I could turn this into a lengthier piece, thanks for your feedback. 🙂
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[…] The Letter (a post I wrote for Writing 101 which got overwhelmingly positive feedback) […]
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OH I LOVE THIS! Genius plot line, and brevity- all on point. =D
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My first comment of the year! 😀 Thanks dear and since you seem to be online, let me officially wish you a happy new year!
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Oh yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I WAS going to say that to you, but one second of the internet distracting me and boom, I forget that it New Year’s today. Anyway, have an awesome year ahead 🙂
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Wow! This story is really moving! I felt so bad for Jeremy and his mom! So sad that he did not get to follow through and his mom did not get to be with him again.
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