Hermione, Harry and Ron found themselves in The Shire one day with no recollection of how they got there. The sun was setting on the horizon and little dwarf-like people were strolling in the meadows, singing cheerful songs.
‘Merlin’s beard! Where the hell are we!’, groaned Ron, scratching his ginger hair.
Hermione stepped up and craned her neck to get a better view of the surroundings. It seemed to be a sleepy place, with lots of little houses wedged into the hillsides. She could hear distant laughter, and the sound of clinking utensils.
‘How fascinating!’ she remarked. ‘This looks like nothing I’ve ever read about!’
Ron rolled his eyes while Harry squinted at the curiously designed houses. Hermione noted that she should bring him here back on a vacation once they’ve killed Voldemort, the poor guy really needed the time-off.
‘So now what,’ said Harry. ‘Anybody starving?’
She realized she was and Ron nodded his head too. ‘Let’s knock on that house then’, said Ron pointing to closest door, ‘We’ll see if we can get something to eat.’
The door was unbolted and they could hear murmurs from within. Without warning, Ron pushed it all the way through, much to Hermione’s angst. They could hear someone speaking-
‘-Sauron’s ring! This has to be destroyed! Otherwise great misfortune will fall upon Middle-Earth!’
What looked like a living room had a towering man, with a pointy hat and long white hair standing over the hearth, and he was observing something very closely in his palm. There were a couple of the little dwarf-like people seated on the chair opposite to the hearth, one was visibly old and the other seemed to be in his youth.
‘WHO ARE YOU?’ bellowed the old dwarf. Hermione wondered if she should say something but Harry stepped forward and muttered, ‘We’re sorry, sir. We found ourselves lost in this place and were wondering if we could find anything to eat around-‘
The dwarf seemed to get furious. ‘So you just march in here and expect me to feed you?! I’ve had enough of people gorging from my kitchen for a lifetime!’
‘Now Bilbo! Where are your manners!‘ the old man turned around. Hermione found his resemblance to Dumbledore uncanny.
‘Please, sit down,’ he offered. ‘I’m Gandalf, this is Bilbo Baggins and that over there is Frodo. I see you’re not from middle-earth and I’m interested to know more but I’ve just discovered something and it’s very dire. We’ve got a world to save, you see. So I’ll let Frodo get you something to eat -‘
‘But -‘ interrupted Harry. ‘Did you say you had a world to save? Maybe we can help!!’
Hermione sighed. Harry’s propensity for people-saving got to her nerves sometimes. But on the other hand, this did seem to be an interesting case.
‘What exactly is the problem, Mr. Gandalf?’ she asked.
Gandalf smiled at her. ‘See this?’ he held up his hand, a gold ring nestled between his fingers. ‘This is the One Ring, and it should never fall in the hands of Sauron! So I’m planning to send Frodo here on an elaborate mission to destroy the ring by dropping it in the fires of Mount Doom.’
Frodo rounded his eyes. ‘WHAT!’
‘Yes,’ Gandalf continued. ‘This has to be done. It won’t be easy, it is very far, and the way to the Mount is strewn with rough landscapes and dangerous enemies, everyone on the lookout to catch the ringbearer. It is going to tough, extremely tough!’
Ron lifted his hand stupidly, ‘We can go in my dad’s flying Ford Anglia!’
Gandalf looked puzzled. ‘Oh it’s a car, a flying car! I think it will be much faster and the ground-folks can’t jolly well meddle with us!’ Ron explained.
‘I have a better solution!’ beamed Harry. He took out his wand and yelled, ‘Accio Firebolt!’
Bilbo shuddered. ‘What was that for!!‘
Hermione was exasperated. Were they really thinking of flying all the way to Mount Doom?
‘Give that ring to me, Mr. Gandalf. I know what to do,’ she said smugly.
Gandalf looked taken aback by the offer, and said, ‘It’s not advisable to fly to Mount Doom, there are far more adversaries on the lookout in the sky…and the ring, it affects you! It meddles with your mind.’
She smirked. ‘No I’m not going to fly, I was thinking of apparating. Shouldn’t take more than a minute, trust me.’
Gandalf gave away the ring hesitently. Hermione pictured Mount Doom in her mind and turned on the spot. A lot of body scrunching followed. She never really liked the process of apparation, though of course she loved how convenient it was. When the world started to build again around her, she saw that everything was burning a bright orange color, and it was smoking hot.
She walked up to the edge of the crater, there was molten lava burning inside. She retrieved the ring from her purse and dropped it slowly into the depths. Plop.
Well, that had been easy. She disapparated back to the Shire.
The living room only contained Bilbo, who was smoking on his pipe leisurely. The whoosh from her disapparation must have startled him, as he looked up at her and said, ‘Oh you, did you do it then?’
‘Yes,’ she answered smiling. ‘So I guess the problem’s solved. Where are Gandalf and my friends, anyway?’
Bilbo sighed. ‘A flying broomstick came jetting into my kitchen, broke my stained glass window…Firebolt, is it?’ He let out a big smoke ring, and continued. ‘Anyway, Gandalf found it amusing so he’s gone out to take a ride. Your friends tagged along.’
‘Hmmm.’ She settled down on the chair opposite and asked hesitantly, ‘So, Mr.Bilbo, ummm…are you people dwarves?’
Hi folks, this is my first attempt at fanfic and this thought just occurred to me. Maybe we can call it…cross-fiction? 😛 Anyway, I know the above story probably was very stupid but it was all in good humor. Let me know if it can be improved in any way or if there is any mash-up that you’d like to read. Thanks!