iPad Bro

“What you’re looking at is the thinnest, lightest, and most powerful tablet ever!!” Tim Bacon beamed at the excited audience, holding the device in his left hand. “Ladies and gentleman – presenting the iPad Bro!”

A thunderous cheer erupted across the hall. People were whistling, clapping, some even gave a standing ovation.

Tim waited for the noise to die out and then continued, “Yes, this in my hands is the ultimate companion. Which is why we named it the iPad Bro! It’s a computer, but it is also much more than that. With our revolutionary NaturalTalk technology, have conversations, crack a joke, and also get your work done. It’s truly epic…and you just have to take my word for it!”

The audience’s interest was at its peak now.

“At Pineapple Inc, our major mission had always been to make stand-out devices that make you drool. And yes, we’re not ashamed of it.” A chuckle broke out somewhere. “Because that is the kind of experience that we aim to create. We want to create devices that are simply hard to resist, even when it means that you probably have to sell your kidney to afford one.”

Someone in the audience exclaimed, “Hey that’s me!” The others laughed in agreement.

Tim Bacon took that as a good sign and continued, “Let me start with the design. We improved our FingerTouch back panel multi-fold so now it feels more natural to hold the tablet. Every touch feels like a gentle caress. You use our product and you will never want to touch anything else ever again! My promise. Then look at this screen itself. We’re pushing a billion pixels, not a million, a billion! So everything is super crisp – all thanks to our EpicPixel technology. It’s more pixels than your eye can ever comprehend, but we did it first! Just for the record.”

Excited claps from the audience again. Multiple people had to rush to the restroom as they just peed their pants.

“My colleague Bob will come over and explain to you our latest pOS 9, but before that a quick briefer on the pricing. The iPad Bro will be available starting at just $2599 for the basic model without the keyboard. We really tried to price competitively this time and I do believe a lot of you will be happy and will queue up at the stores to throw your money at us.”

Right on cue, dollar bills started to float in the air as people threw money at the stage.

“Thank you.” Tim Bacon eyed all the money with glee, “Now over to Bob. Give it up for the iPad Bro, guys!”

*more cheering ensues*

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15 thoughts on “iPad Bro

  1. Super lolz…liked the iPad Bro and PineApple terms. Btw I am a huge fan of Apple and their technologies. You will have to use it to understand what they mean.

    Just google Pixar’s review of iPad Bro’s brother…iPad Pro’s reviews.

    But nice post

    Like

    • Hey I’m not saying Apple devices are bad, but they’re simply not the “best” in my opinion. And yes, I’ve used them so I know. Anyway, everyone has their own opinion so we’ll leave it at that.
      But I do find the excitement over new iPhones and iPads a bit too much. Things like Microsoft Surface Pro are much more productive, but people just want flashier stuff so don’t even care. And that is what bothers me.

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  2. I have been hardcore Apple user till last year. Everything I owned was apple. Not anymore…they became like every other money thirsty company…which they always was…but now without the premium quality they had. Now I am planning to switch to other crappy companies who are actually no better than them but have products that cost 1/3 of Apple. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Apple devices work fantastically, but are always handicapped by services when it comes to sheer productivity and flexibility. Which is where and Google and Microsoft rise to the top. But the truth really is that one does not NEED an Apple device. But Apple makes people desire it anyway. You should look at the newly announced Microsoft Surface Pro 4 tablet. It’s a gorgeous device that runs full Windows 10 instead of the mobile iOS on iPad Pro and even costs less. But guess what is gonna sell more!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I wonder if the thinner, lighter, and bigger screen movement hasn’t gone too far!
    For a phone I actually use an Apple 4S (OK feel free to shudder and say “How backward.”) It works fine for me. It is good phone, keeps track of my schedule and contacts. So what if a new version is a few Nano seconds faster. If I need the speed I’ll use my desktop. If I want to want to watch Apple TV PBS, or Netflix I use my iPad which I can easily see.
    I also have an older iPad. I actually left it in the box and cut out a hole to charge it. Now I can safely pick it up and not have to worry about getting finger prints all over the screen and also not worry about dropping it because it is so thin.

    Like

    • Haha, I have a friend who uses a Nokia black-and-white feature phone. It suffices for him and he’s happy. And that’s all should matter when it comes to gadgets. These smartphone manufacturers, they make us feel that we direly need something in our lives when in reality we may not.

      Like

    • Apple is now a religion. And its followers are the most devout of all. And it wouldn’t be wrong to say that a lot of people on this planet dream of one day getting blessed with an iProduct. What exactly is the reason for this craze? That’s one complicated question.

      Liked by 1 person

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